Friday, July 6, 2012

Another day

Another day has come. I am still in this nightmare. I haven't woken up and everything is alright. The lump is still there, the cruel reality of my Bambam having cancer has not vanished.... it still there.
Her doctor and I have a game plan against this thing that has invaded the body of my beautiful girl. Her doctor and I are pretty much in the same page (except they haven't told me how much this surgery will cost, but that is Banfield's fault not Dr B's)
As the minutes tick away, many thoughts come to my overloaded mind. It's Friday. Is this the last Friday I'll have baby girl with me?? Will she make it thru surgery on Wednesday?
How am I gonna relent her to the arms of the nurse to be taken to the back of the clinic when I won't know if I'll come back later in the day to pick up my sweetie???
How do you let go????
I am not afraid of taking care of her after surgery. I'll stay up night after night, I'll carry her outside to do her business, I'll give her her meds around the clock.... I am not even afraid of having a 3 legged dog if it comes to the point of her leg having to be amputated.
I am afraid of losing her, I am afraid of the excruciating pain of not having her around me...
Am I being selfish????
People say that their dogs tell them when it's time to let them go. Well, Bambam looked into my eyes this morning and I could see the same thing that I have always seen. She told me that she loves me and she's happy to be here with me.
We are not ready to part ways... we are just not ready yet.


F. Z. Harper said...

Hugs. Hang in there. Hope you have friends there who can keep you company. Eat a little if you can. Read a book if you can. One way or the other you will get through this.

Anonymous said...

I hope your doggy comes out okay.